I stumbled upon a wisewoman by accident the other afternoon over sandwiches, coffee, and tea. She injected my mindless moaning flawlessly with "You know there's a third stress response that no one ever talks about....freezing."It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I never fight-or-flight. Indecisive is my middle name and I avoid running from or facing any decision head on. Enter: the freeze response. The easiest and most ineffective. Being constantly ice, constantly stone, leaves me quite vulnerable to an array of problems, mental and physical. And certainly gets me no closer to conclusions.
Restful sleep escaped me last night and was replaced by brief nightmares and tossing and turning. Loss of sleep is a sign of freezing. Baby, bring me a pot of hot water and get me out of this mess. I need to thaw out. Stretch my arms, legs, and options. Chip away at my mind.
I don't really know what I'm so afraid of. Its not like a lion is literally flashing its glittering white teeth at me. I really only need to make a choice. Between A and B. I can't handle regret, so I've chosen to do nothing but brood. For once I wish I wasn't a woman and my mind wasn't bound so closely to my heart. Logical decisions are much more accessible without emotions overcasting the answer. It'll come to me though, I'm convinced. I'm just waiting patiently, and a little cold.
But I'm not all critical introspection today. There are distractions to look forward to. Currently I'm chowin on a mushroom empanada and listening to marcy playgroud on low in a gem of a coffee bar right down the road from the APT. The empanada is so ever-lovin good, Ive tortured my tongue because I can't wait for it to cool down. I'm diggin the productive, yet quiet air this place has. You'll find me here more often.
I drug myself out of bed at the crack of 10:30am this morning for an interview at the Belmont on W. 6th. I'd given up on them considering I applied over a month ago but miraculously they called after complications with Threadgills occured. It couldn't have been better timing. Unfortunately my good timing ran out there and they want me to start training this week. This week just so happens to be the first week of classes at lovely little ACC. I politely told him the dilemma and he said he'd try and work with me. Fingers crossed, send good juju my way. My cushion is definitely deflating at an alarming rate and I need a job STAT to replenish it back to its fluffy ways and better days.
Productivity is peering 'round the corner with its bright eyes and proud stare. Though I've got creative streaks, I'm a gal who loves structure. Change is amuck and I can't wait.
